why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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