every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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