then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
