im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
