So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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