He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
