I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
