I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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