I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
