just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
