i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
