why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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