Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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