Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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