There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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