well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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