I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
