Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
