I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
