Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
