Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
