you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
