his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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