eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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