you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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