he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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