There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
