Non-Jews are for practice
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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