So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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