I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
