No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
