I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
