I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
