Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
