You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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