so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
