the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
