Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
