I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
