is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
