I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
