Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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