Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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