I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
