Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
