I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
