im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
