I heard we made out
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
