The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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