WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
