Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
