Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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