wat bout pragnant strippers??
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
